Season of Seclusion, Part 2...

First I wanna say thanks for reading this! Second I wanna say, thanks for the well-wishes through email, texts, calls, and even cards from everyone who has been super supportive during this season!

To dive right in...for my married (and divorced or separated) friends, do you remember transitioning from being single to that first year + of marriage? You know how it is quite the transition from singleness, to married life. In fact, one of my closest friends always told me, to prepare me for that day, that I would not be able to maintain the lifestyle I was pursuing in my singleness, once I got married (you know who you are ;) ;) -- THANK you for all the wise advice <3). Phew!!! It can be exhausting trying to figure it all out! Marriage is hard work! Especially when you're so in love, you wanna spend most of your time together!! It's SO WORTH IT though!!

***** I start out talking about marriage because that has been the biggest priority to me since November 2019. I remember times in the past when I observed friends transitioning from single to married, and not fully understanding what it was they were really facing. I remember feeling hurt because those friends who used to spend so much time with me (whether that be on the phone, video chatting, or in person), didn't have that same amount of time to commit to our friendship anymore and sometimes I took it personally. Now, don't get me wrong, it was quite the process, and I'd like to think God led me through it to come to an understanding with wisdom to eventually radically accept the newly revamped friendship. It was tough to surrender to, because after all I'm human, and for those of you that know me well - quality time is one of my love languages!! I could have stayed bitter, and felt abandoned (which is a big trigger for me because of past wounds). But thank God, I was able to work some of those confusing feelings out with trusted loved ones, mentors, and counselors -- especially The Mighty Counselor. I did not work through those seasons perfectly without regrets. BUT I can say that I am grateful that I didn't give up on those friendships, especially because I now understand what it's like to be married!!

With that being said, I'd like to think I could be offered even MORE grace from everyone in my life as I began to navigate the beginning stages of marriage without much contact with everyone as Covid-19 hit and changed the trajectory of the world, not to mention our personal lives!!! Can I get an Amen?! :D :D :D Seriously though! And thank you to everyone who has offered that grace!!!

*****

Many people have asked how this season of seclusion has been for me, and if I'm experiencing all the things I'd hoped to during this season. Well, to answer, it has been MUCH-NEEDED!!! So life-giving! As much as we love our people (and miss you ALL!!) we have been eating this time up. With that being said, it isn't exactly what I thought it'd be.

Throughout this season, God has been continuing to walk me through some renovations in my heart and soul. Truthfully, much of this evident need for work on my heart began on a retreat Neil and I took back in October of last year...the seeds were planted then. Currently I'm walking through the 12 steps (as I've never actually done a thorough step-study) -- for those of you who might not know, I'm in recovery from alcohol and drug addiction (celebrated 16 years sober in May!!).

As this journey unfolds I continue to utilize several other resources that have been life-giving. These have led me to dive deeper into topics such as Forgiveness, Reprioritizing my time management to mirror my values, along with a reevaluation of my motivations behind each of my pursuits, especially my relationship with God and others. This has taken much intentionality, and discipline. It feels hard at times. But it is such a fruitful endeavor -- Thank God!!

Regarding work -- yes, I'm still working. This Season of Seclusion entails no social obligations outside of the family (with the exception of weddings, funerals, and other large life events), but all other things remain intact. Work has been a contributing factor to adding a much needed time for rest. I have been experiencing burnout, compassion fatigue, and vicarious traumatization. Just when I would think I was convinced I fell into only one of those three categories , I'd quickly think it is more likely one of the others. Yet, as I type this now, I am presently convinced I have fluctuated somewhere between all three for some time now. Because of the nature of my job I am much more susceptible to these types of negative impacts on my life. I, also having a complexly traumatic past, am even more at-risk to these types of side-effects in my helping profession. Some of you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, a quick Google search will give you an overview of each of those terms, and what exactly I'm dealing with (experiencing burnout, compassion fatigue, and vicarious traumatization). *****

Because not everyone reading this is of the praying type, I won't list my prayer requests here, but if you are interested in knowing what they are more specifically, please text or email!! I will gladly fill you in! As I near the end of this post, I would like to ask you to be patient if you have been waiting to hang out and connect voice-to-voice, or face-to-face. This season is continuing on for much longer than I anticipated. Part of me is saddened that I can't have a "normal summer", especially as so many of the Covid-19 restrictions are lifting for public settings. However, I am sensitive to this need to continue my season of seclusion in order to manage my health: physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually in the weeks and months to come. In other words, all social commitments will need to wait (beyond August).

Many of you have been asking what the best way to connect is at this time -- Marco Polo, email, and text is it! Email is preferable. Because I still need to maintain my work to survive financially, please keep in mind that 90% of my work is connecting with clients via phone, or video chat. The other 10% is in person. I am truly tapped out when the work week winds down. I have nothing left -- which is partly why this season is occurring -- to be re-filled by God, as He also cleans house so I can maintain the things He wants to flow into me.

***** Thank you again for not taking any of this time away from you personally -- it means SO MUCH to me (and Neil) that you support us through this time, and continue to know that we love our people and look forward to connecting in real-time sometime in the future. For now, we carry on in the spirit of rest, renewal, and radical acceptance of the season that is upon us.

Love to you!

MB (& Neil -- as he endorses this message!)