Encouraged by a "Good-Better-Best" breakthrough 🙌🏼💡

Hi everyone!

Me again.

Just to preface ALL MY BLOG posts -- These posts are in no way meant to make it seem like I'm narcissistic/fully consumed by my own life, it is just an easy way to give this message to everyone.

(I won't digress with the reasons why I needed to preface with that).

Have you ever struggled with something so long, like you feel like you keep coming around the same mountain over and over again? That's what I've felt like for a long time. Except it happens in degrees, in different seasons of my life.

When I was in my twenties and thirties I had a few experiences where I hit a wall and realized I was juggling too many things at once, and driving myself crazy. The hardest part was that most of those things were good, so it took me an extra long time to figure out it was the best thing for me to scale back.

A mentor from years ago helped me see the "Good, Better, Best" principle. It changed my life.

I was able to move things such as a second or third job, out of the "best" category, to the "good" category. Or volunteering in a certain roll on my down time to help others, which actually filled my "downtime", so I didn't have ANY actual downtime. I was able to see just because it was a "good" thing, or even a "better" thing that other things, it wasn't the "best" thing for me.

I was recently helping a client through this principle, as we navigated the concept, I listened to her as the lightbulb moments came to her. It was so encouraging to see her thrive as she implemented this principle to the best of her ability, in those following weeks.

It was life-giving to her, and is setting her on a different trajectory altogether. Powerful stuff.

Working with this client in turn helped me to revisit my own convictions about the good-better-best principle.

As most of you know I've been on a journey of scaling back, and getting well. As I reflect I'm realizing this season actually began back in 2021 when Neil and I traveled South for a 10 day road trip vacation.

God showed me several things on that trip and I began to apply the things I believe He was guiding me with upon returning to Buffalo.

I posted several blog posts during that session, which are titled Season of Seclusion. I'll never forget how I was judged by some others through that season. I won't go off on a tangent because that's not the main point.

I will say it was unfortunate to be judged with zero compassion for what I was going through, and afterall considering it is my life and the fact that I deeply felt the Holy Spirit leading me through each step. I also had positive feedback and encouragement from both my counselor and husband with each decision I was making.

As I began to see things back then that I needed to implement such as being present while working with my business consultant, she helped me to see I was the one holding high, and impossible standards above my head continuously. These standards included doing it ALL; making everyone happy, accepting all invitations, making unlimited commitments, and trying to work efficiently after changing jobs multiple times, navigating marriage as a newlywed (during a pandemic), and tending to all friendships, family relationships, and taking care of my overall health. Basically it was impossible to ever feel like I was doing enough.

I began breaking free with small steps of mindful self-talk, as I said statements like: it's okay to wait till tomorrow to clean the floors since you have clients all day, and dinner to make after your long shift ends. Or it's okay to reschedule that call or dinner date to another time, or even not reschedule it at all, and just explain to others that I'm currently in over my head, I love them, but will be in touch down the road when I gain some footing again.

THIS WAS ONE OF THE MOST LIFE-GIVING times of my life!!!!

Even though it felt awkward, I was uncertain of where it was leading, and these choices I made were resisted by some others in my life, I felt an immediate sense of peace, like a pressure lifting off from me, and I felt physically more relaxed (as opposed to 24/7 adrenaline and cortisol rushing through my body...take it from me, that is NO WAY TO LIVE! ).

How this applies to me current day -- fast forward TWO years later, and I still struggle with the good-better-best principle because of how the performance-based belief is so deeply imbedded into who I am. I won't get into all the reasons why I have this performance-based schema deep within, but I will tell you there are many reasons that connected those dots for me in therapy as I navigated those waters of my childhood trauma, family of origin dysfunction, and lots and lots of reading all kinds of resources throughout the years of my healing journey. Those details are definitely another story, for another time, lol.

As I recently helped the said client through the good-better-best principle, it helped me return to my own convictions on this topic and I had a major breakthrough. I'll explain.

I have been dealing with my illness attempting many remedies (vitamins, other supplements, hormone treatments, blood work, doctors appointments, resting when I can, drinking lots of water, changing my diet at times, getting out of detrimentally humid environments AKA Atlanta, moving from practicing as a Mental Health Counselor, to strictly Life Coaching, and the list goes on!).

I've made progress, and regressed. And the cycle has continued. The GOOD news is, I'm much better than I was a year ago, but I still have a ways to go.

I have hope. But I also remain realistic. In fact I'm probably more realistic today than I've been before. And this is the breakthrough. Seeing soberly through a lense I'd been searching for my whole life...that my life is about my journey with God, and to further my intimacy with Him.

Not, please others on my journey and hope for more intimacy with God.

Ohhhhh what a subtle lie that is the enemy instills in us. He whispers that, knowing some of us are easy targets to take that bait, and before you know it - we're people pleasing, before we're God-pleasing. Let alone, self pleasing.

Let me explain further...

I read this book called No More Faking Fine, right around the time I took my first Season of Seclusion back in 2021 (see previous blog posts if you're interested) , and so much of what the author spoke of resonated with me.

Check it out here:

https://www.google.com/books/edition/No_More_Faking_Fine/jKO7CwAAQBAJ?hl=en

She spoke about experiencing healing she had been so desperate for her whole life, and scaling back to prioritize her healing. Because she was an overachiever, she was constantly doing "good"things, but over time she realized these things weren't "better, or best" for her or her journey toward deeper intimacy with God. She even took time off from work to go on a, you ready for this? A season of seclusion! I read that part of the book while I was in said season! That was major confirmation that I was right there where I needed to be.

Through that season, and now more than ever, I'm realizing

I've continued to go back and forth between serving God, and serving the Christian culture.

I refuse to do that anymore. Through navigating my illness, I'm constantly trying/striving to get better. Making lists, setting goals, and planning my days, planning my down time, planning to take vitamins, etc. It hit me like a ton of bricks in the last month -- "planning and striving" has actually been a big part of how I've gotten in this mess.

I've been so obsessed with control over my own life (again, there are reasons I turned out this way, and most in which was because of my trauma against my will, and I offer myself a ton of grace with this) that navigating getting well has been eye opening.

None of us can control our lives. Proverbs talks about how we plan, but the Lord orders our steps. HE is in control.

So, what does this look like practically in my recovery?

Well for one, NO MORE obsessively planning.

I'm reevaluating what is causing most of the stress in my life because that's the number one culprit for Adrenal Fatigue. Therefore I need to eliminate it. This WHOLE season since the seclusion, I've been focusing on what I can "do". Yes that's good, but not best! I'm now going to be eliminating as much as I need to reduce my stress. Focusing on what I shouldn't "do".

I'm basically being called to a lifestyle change. Afterall, it was a lifestyle that caused the overwhelming stress.

God is renovating my view of how to live my life, long-term I believe.

So, from here on out, I'm taking things day by day. Yes, there's obviously things I need to get done, and some require planning, but eliminating everything that is not a priority, at least for the time being is key.

So no more controlling everything, making lists and setting goals and striving. Those are good things, but not best right now. If I over-plan, I add more stress.

Each day I will be prioritizing what I can eliminate. For now, I don't have much room for a whole lot other than work, God, family, and health. I'm thankful to you all for your understanding as I've stepped back from connecting with friends on a regular basis. Eliminating anything that causes stress is the idea, as opposed to making time for everything, just by shifting my calendar. I barely have the strength to talk at all after my client calls, so sticking to email for a while is best, but asking everyone to limit them to monthly or bimonthly is so helpful.

I was talking to a couple of friends about this recently, and was asked how connecting with others in my life is stressful. I know these questions were sincerely asked, so I answered truthfully.

Connecting with others is stressful because it requires mental energy to engage meaningfully. When someone's in good health this can be such a great thing to connect with those you love. But if you think about a time when you had the flu, COVID-19, or even the common cold. What is one of the biggest necessities during that time? REST. The last thing you can do is carry a conversation, let alone a meaningful one. Well with adrenaline fatigue, it's the same experience, the difference is I don't have a fever, cough, mucus coming out my nose, or any other obvious symptoms. That is what makes it so complicated for others to understand, and frankly myself included. It's taken me this long to realize I have to honor my limits re: avoiding anything that causes stress.

So until I'm better, I must do everything I can to be true to my overall need to get well.

So do not disturb is going "on".

Emails and texts messaging are set with an automated response.

And aside from work, time off, and/or days with my husband, my schedule is clear. This is my breakthrough, and is definitely BEST for me.

For a trauma survivor, this is A HUGE DEAL!! A mile marker to say the least.

I hope that reading this not only gives you more insight into my current lifestyle to know where I'm at, respect my space, and prayerfully support me (and Neil) as we navigate it all, but I also hope it challenges you even in a tiny way to ask yourself are you being true to your limits, convictions, and overall well-being?

Of course I pray that you are, and I in no way want to be presumptuous to know whether or not you need to be challenged in this area. But I figured I'd throw out the challenge out there in case you're anything like me - possibly finding yourself coming back around this same type of mountain time and time again.

What would it look like to surrender to what YOU need?

Is there MORE of something you need? Less?

What would it look like to ask God to show you next steps as He guides you toward a healthier lifestyle, managing your time genuinely and unapologetically?

I pray that if you are feeling challenged, you will experience Him more intimately as you navigate those questions and answers with Him.

I hope you find freedom.

I hope you find peace.

I am finding both.

Love to you all, and thanks for caring !

🤍🙏🏼🪻✌🏼🕊️ ☀️🌿

MB